The Wabi-Sabi of Your Uniquess

Welcome to Live Well and Flourish. I'm your host, craig Van Slyke. Regular listeners have heard lots of stories about our pup Maggie. Maggie is quite a sight. She's part border collie, part bulldog, part sled dog of some sort and who knows what else. She has the face and coloring of a border collie, the chest of a bulldog and a feathery tail that would put a peacock to shame. My sister-in-law, janet, calls Maggie a Dr Seuss dog. It's an accurate description, tracy, and I like to joke that she's a breed. Standard Maggie Dog shows are full of beautiful, perfect examples of the various breeds, but Maggie is unique in this world. She's truly one of a kind and that's what makes Maggie so special. Guess what? You are also unique. You've only one, you, and that's what makes you special.

Sadly, sometimes we look around us, feel different and think that this makes us weird. But weird and unique are two sides of the same coin. Let me share a little story to illustrate. A number of years ago some coworkers and I were out for happy hour. One of my coworkers let's call her Tina. She and I were talking and I could sense something was bothering her. She was up, she kind of hesitated and then reluctantly, told me that another coworker let's call her Tammy told her that I thought she was weird. I was shocked. I really liked Tina. I really admired her. I love talking with her because she had this unique perspective on the world. Tina had interesting and fantastic taste in music and other areas of life. For example, she introduced me to the music of Nancy Griffith God rest her soul for which I will be eternally grateful. My guess is that Tammy mistook some comment I made about Tina's uniqueness, or maybe Tammy was just trying to stir up trouble. I don't know. What I do know is that being seen as weird was troubling for Tina. Fortunately, I was able to explain that her uniqueness was what made her so fantastic to me, and I think it made both of us feel better. I know it made me feel better. I hope it did her as well. Unfortunately, society often makes the unique among us feel that their differences make them weird, not wonderful. This is hogwash. Differences are what make the world interesting.

Your uniqueness is at the core of what it means to be you. Embrace your uniqueness. Don't be a lemming following the crowd to fall into the gray abyss of sameness. Don't seed your autonomy to conformity. Lean into your individuality and be you. That's what I try to do in this podcast.

I think that my particular take on many of the topics I discuss is kind of unusual. These episodes are a unique mash-up of my view of important ideas in philosophy and psychology, all packaged in an accessible way that leads to practical action. Rather than doing another Me Too treatment of what it takes to live an excellent life, I try to use my unusual way of thinking and my unique experiences to put together a verbal gumbo of ideas that's uniquely me. It's my distinct way of trying to make the world a better place. I hope you'll do the same. Find what makes you unique, embrace your individuality and find your singular path through life. I need to caution you, though.

Embracing your uniqueness doesn't mean being a thoughtless anarchist and just doing whatever you want all of the time. Social norms exist for a reason. Embracing your uniqueness doesn't mean being an inconsiderate jerk who always has to get their way. Sometimes you need to make compromises to be part of society. Norms should serve as guardrails, putting some reasonable limits on self-interest in the name of stability and coexistence, but when taken too far, norms can become handcuffs that stifle individual expression. Norms are norms, not immutable laws, as is often the case. The trick is to find the middle ground. Be considerate, but don't be a conformist.

You can express uniqueness in a lot of ways the way you dress, how you act or speak, your taste in books, art, food and entertainment. All of these are important, but I think holding on to your internal uniqueness is even more important. Your values, beliefs, worldviews, talents, passions, purpose—all of these may be largely invisible to the outside world, but they are critical aspects of your uniqueness and of your distinct contributions to the world. In an earlier episode, number 58, I talked about the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi, which holds, in part, that imperfections are what give something beauty. The uniqueness and the imperfections is where the beauty lies.

Maggie is memorable and beautiful, not in spite of her quirks, but precisely because of her quirks. Every little aspect of your individuality, every unique thought, every unusual taste, every odd perspective—these are all critical aspects of your uniqueness and of what makes you special. Maggie is unique, as is Tina. Their uniqueness is what makes both of them awesome. Embrace your quirks and differences. They're what make you one of a kind. There's only one. You and only you can make your unique contributions to the world. Until next time, stay unique, my friends.