The Kindness Dividend (5MF)

Craig 00:00 

Welcome to Live Well and Flourish. I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke.

Be kind. A simple precept. Two words. One idea. But two words that can change the world. How can something so simple be so powerful? That’s what I want to talk about today. The kindness dividend, and how you, and the world, benefit when you make investments in kindness.

There’s a verse in Proverbs (I think it's Chapter 11, verse 17) that says something like,  “Kindness is its own reward, but cruelty is a self-inflicted wound.” Here’s the thing though, the reward isn’t just for the person being kind, society benefits as well. How? Well, before getting to that let’s define kindness. There’s actually a lot of complexity across the various definitions of kindness. Fortunately, I think we can keep things simple. To me, kindness is an intentional act of showing compassion, generosity, or consideration towards others with no expectation of benefit for yourself. It’s doing something for someone else, without expecting anything in return. If I give you a cookie because I see you gazing longingly at my delicious treats, that’s an act of kindness. If I offer to trade you a cookie for some of your chips, it’s not.

Craig 01:34 

Defining kindness this way may make the title of this episode, “The Kindness Dividend”, seem a little bit odd. After all, a dividend is a return on an investment. You make the investment expecting the dividend, expecting the return. So, how can true kindness pay dividends, since kindness doesn’t expect reward? Well, just because kindness isn’t motivated by the expectation of a return doesn’t mean that there is not a return, it just means that you’re not expecting one. That’s the great thing about kindness. Yes, kindness is its own reward, but it’s not the only reward.

So, what are the dividends of kindness? I’m making two fundamental assumptions in my explanation here. First, over time, intentionally being kind makes you a kind person. Second, kindness breeds kindness, in other words acts of kindness tend to motivate future kindness. 

Craig 02:41 

Here’s my take on how kindness pays dividends. The first is what I already said: kindness leads to kindness. Kindness breeds future acts of kindness in the person who provides the kind act, the recipient of the kindness and in those who happened to witness the kind act. I'll explain that more in just a bit.

The giver becomes kinder through the power of habit. According to one of my assumptions, if you consciously look for opportunities to act with kindness, kindness will become a habit; you’ll just start acting kindly automatically, which is a very good thing. The habit is reinforced by the good feeling you get from being kind. When you’re kind, you feel good and most of us like feeling good. So that pleasant feeling motivates further acts of kindness. This dividend goes further through Aristotle’s practice-habit-being method of becoming a good person. I talked about this in Episode 26, which is available at livewellandflourish.com/26. Basically, the idea is that consciously and intentionally practicing some virtue, like kindness, leads to you being kind automatically out of habit. Over time, though, you BECOME a kind person; kindness becomes ingrained in your very being.

Craig 04:05 

There are other ways in which kindness breeds kindness. As I mentioned before, the good feeling you get from being kind motivates you towards future kindness. But the receiver of the kindness is also motivated towards future kindness through the power of reciprocity. We’re somewhat hardwired to pay things forward. So when you’re kind to me, I naturally want to be kind towards you and others. So, when you’re kind, you’re like a pebble of kindness that radiates ripples in the pond of life.

But there’s a powerful force beyond reciprocity at play here, one that isn't just limited to the giver and receiver. Kindness is contagious, not just metaphorically, but also psychologically. In episode 30 I talked about emotional contagion, which is the process of emotions in one person triggering similar emotions in others. Kindness works in much the same way. So, kindness affects someone who simply sees the act of kindness. When we see someone being kind, we’re subconsciously nudged towards being kind through contagion effects. In addition, acts of kindness provide evidence that kindness is a socially desirable behavior. Since most of us want to have positive relationships with others, seeing someone being kind makes us want to comply with social expectations by also being kind. All of this operates below your conscious attention, but the effects are very real. All of this adds to the ripple effects of your kindness.

Craig 05:44 

An example might help me explain this a little bit more clearly. Suppose you’re in a long checkout line at the grocery store. You notice the person behind you has only a couple of items while you have a full cart. So, you turn to the other person and say, “Why don’t you go ahead of me? You only have a couple of things.” The other person gratefully accepts. This simple act pushes you along the road to being a kind person. It makes the person you let ahead of you want to be kind in return, so they’re extra nice to the checkout clerk. I happen to see your little kindness, and I smile a little smile and start to be more aware of opportunities to act kindly. Your tiny act has produced ripples that make the world better. It's a pretty nice dividend, don't you think?

Craig 06:37  

Keep in mind that, as I discussed in episode 27, even small acts of kindness pay dividends, so don’t just look for grand gestures. You don’t have to pay off someone’s mortgage, just letting them in front of you in line is a good thing.

So, as you go through your week, pay attention to opportunities for kindness. Say thank you to service workers, or anyone really. Pick up some litter. Send a thoughtful note. Apologize when you’re wrong. Don’t take the closest parking spot if you’re able to walk. Bring in your neighbor’s trash can. The opportunities for kindness are endless. Take advantage of those opportunities and we’ll all reap the dividends.

Until next time, stay kind my friends.