The Duality of Venting to Cope with Stress (5MF)

Craig 00:00 

Welcome to Live Well & Flourish. I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke.

Have you ever felt like you just needed to vent to someone? You’re stressed out, and you just need to unload your negative emotions on somebody who will listen. Most of us have felt that way at one time or another. One trigger for the need to vent is stress. You vent to relieve stress. But, venting is usually considered a maladaptive response to stress. Maladaptive responses might help relieve stress in the short term, but they don’t do anything to address the underlying causes of the stress. Adaptive responses, on the other hand, not only relieve stress in the short term, they also do something to eliminate the cause of the stress so it won't recur in the future. I talked about these in episode 65. Check it out at livewellandflourish.com/65. Venting is kind of an interesting coping strategy. Although like I said, it’s generally considered maladaptive, venting can be really useful in some situations.

 Craig 01:04 

As I said, venting, which involves openly expressing emotions to another person, is usually classified as a maladaptive coping response, especially when it takes the form of rumination or the repetitive focus on the negative aspects of a situation. This sort of venting can actually increase stress, as well as leading to further negative emotions and a negative mood. Venting can also cause relationship strain. When you vent, you also run the risk of getting stuck in a negative feedback loop.

But, just as opening the pressure valve on a boiling kettle prevents it from spewing hot steam, venting your emotions can help release built-up stress and prevent it from overwhelming you. This is especially true of transitory stress, which is a stressful situation in which the cause of stress is temporary. An example might be getting stressed over traffic, or if you live in the country like I do, having your Internet connection drop during an important video conference. A little venting can be very helpful in these sorts of situations.

Craig 02:09 

Venting provides an immediate emotional release. For some reason, this makes me think of a whistling teapot, the whistling not only alerts you that the water is boiling, it also reduces the pressure in the teapot. At least I think that’s how it works. (And what’s with the boiling water stuff? Maybe I need some tea.) Venting your negative emotions can prevent emotional buildup, which might otherwise lead to more significant stress or emotional issues down the road.

Venting can also provide validation of your emotions. Sharing your feelings with an understanding friend or colleague can lead to feelings of validation and understanding. When someone is willing to listen to you, it makes you feel seen and understood. It also increases your sense of belonging and social connection, all of which are important for your well-being.

Craig 02:59 

But you need to be careful about how you vent. You want to aim for constructive venting -- expressing your feelings honestly without blame or aggression. You want to vent to someone who will provide emotional support and, maybe helpful feedback, not someone who will amplify or dismiss your negative feelings. In other words, you want a sympathetic ear. I've got to make a confession here. When Tracy (my wife) hears this, she will either roll her eyes, burst out laughing, or smack me in the back of the head. (Not really, Tracy is a gentle soul.) I am not the best target for venting as I immediately want to go into problem solving mode. I know it's not great, but I’m working on it.

So, venting can be extremely useful as a way of temporarily dealing with stress. This may be enough when the stressful situation IS temporary. But when the stress is persistent, it’s important to follow up venting with a longer term strategy for dealing with the underlying causes of the stress. Vent to get the stress out of your system, but don’t neglect a longer term strategy. This is where cognitive reframing can come in.

Craig 04:09 

In this context, cognitive reframing is a psychological technique that involves identifying and then disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts. It’s a way of changing your perspective on a situation, event, or thought to view it more positively. As I talked about in episode 60 stressful situations can be tough to deal with, but they often offer opportunities for growth. (That's hard to say - they often offer opportunities for growth) Venting can give you the emotional distance you need to reassess the situation to find the growth opportunities it holds. I know this sounds a little crazy, but there are opportunities to grow and learn in almost any difficult situation. When my first wife, Debbie, was suffering from the cancer that eventually took her from this world, it was about as stressful as life can get. But, the experience also built my resilience and changed me in other ways that have helped me ever since. It was a terrible situation, one I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I did grow and learn from it.

Craig 05:12 

So, when you’re stressed out, remember that it’s OK to vent. Sometimes venting is enough. When it isn’t, venting combined with cognitive reframing makes for a powerful combination that can help you not only grow, but flourish.

That's all I have for you this week. Talk to you next week. Thanks.