Craig 00:00 

To live an excellent life, you need to recognize and live up to your duties to others. In today’s episode of Live Well and Flourish, I discuss an ancient idea that’s more relevant today than it was 2,000 years ago, Hierocles’ concentric circles of community. Following his advice can help you live a better life through improving the lives of others. Stay tuned to learn more.

Welcome to Live Well and Flourish, where I help you understand what it means to live a flourishing life. I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke. If you're ready to think beyond material and external success, if you're ready to take control of who you are and the kind of life you live, if you're ready to flourish, this is the podcast for you.

Craig 00:55 

No man is an island. If we can excuse John Donne’s gendered language, we find wisdom in these words. The opening line of Donne’s poem is well-known, as is the close, “Never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.” What's less well known is what comes before the close, “... any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.” Donne invokes an interesting metaphor to illustrate his point, “if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were …” What Donne is saying is that we’re all connected; what builds one up builds up all, what diminishes one, diminishes all.

These ideas didn’t originate with Donne, the importance of community and connection goes back, maybe to the beginning of life on Earth. Who knows? Even the Stoics were big believers in community. A connected life is a good life. Former co-host, Andrea, and I had a fascinating discussion about the importance of community when we pondered whether a hermit can flourish. Here's the spoiler: Our answer was no. You can check out our conversation at livewellandflourish.com. I’ll put a link to the episode in the show notes.

Craig 02:21 

Here’s the bottom line: You can’t live an excellent life without connections to others. One reason for this is that we need to interact with others to flourish. A less obvious reason is that we have a moral duty to serve others. Living an excellent life requires acting according to virtue and some virtues, such as kindness, justice and gratitude are tied to our relationships with others. So, relationships are a fundamental part of an excellent life.

The 2nd Century Stoic philosopher Hierocles had an interesting way of thinking about our duty to others. Heirocles used the image of concentric circles, with yourself in the middle, and circles radiating outward to include:

-         Your immediate family,

-         Your extended family

-         Your local community

-         Your region

-         Your country, and finally,

-         The world

Craig 03:18 

He believed that we have a moral duty to draw the rings ever closer to ourselves, to the center of our circle. This is an important part of moral development. Early in our lives, we’re almost exclusively concerned with ourselves and our own needs. Babies cry when they’re hungry, they don't care how stressed out Mom is. As we get older, we start to recognize that others also matter. When we’re young, “others” is primarily made up of our immediate family, then it extends to aunts, uncles, cousins, maybe neighbors. Gradually, as we mature, we start to recognize larger and larger circles of concern. Hopefully, one day we grow enough morally to recognize that we have duties to the entire world.

Craig 04:06 

OK, that’s all well and good, but how do you do this? How can you grow in your understanding of your responsibility to draw in your circles? Through practical wisdom. Yeah, I know, that’s my answer to a lot of questions, but it’s especially appropriate here. Using practical wisdom to contract your circles requires two things: empathy and action. To connect with and serve others, you need to understand them and their needs. Empathy is a special kind of understanding that goes beyond cold facts to consider how other people feel. But just as faith without works is dead, so is empathy without action. Practical wisdom requires not just understanding, but also doing. So, the second part of using practical wisdom to contract your circles is action. 

Craig 04:59  

Let me give you an example that will help illustrate how taking action can pull you circles closer to your center. We'll turn to one of my favorite virtue, kindness. In episode 81, I talked about the kindness dividend, how you gain from acts of kindness. You can check out that episode at livewellandflourish.com/81. One point I made is that kindness has a ripple effect. An act of kindness ripples out through contagion effects; in other words, kindness spreads. So, when you perform an act of kindness you draw your circles closer and closer to your center. Act with kindness, and your circles tighten. To quote every informercial ever, But wait! There’s more! There’s also a reciprocal effect. The person who benefits from your kindness will recognize their connection to you, after all they benefited from your action. This can lead them to draw YOU closer to their center. This reciprocity can also lead to deeper conversations and more meaningful interactions that can broaden your perspectives and understanding so you can continue to draw your circles closer.

Craig 06:17 

Alright, let’s turn our attention to the next question. How can you build empathy towards outer circles? That’s an interesting question. There are lots of ways to build empathy, but I’m kind of a methodical guy, so I like a methodical approach. We can use the concentric circles metaphor to help us. My guess is that most of you are already reasonably empathetic towards your immediate family. If not, that’s the first place to start. Once you’ve built some empathy towards your immediate family, extend outward to your extended family. Then, move to your local community, your region, and then eventually the entire world. This may well be a very long process, but I think that unless you can be empathetic towards a closer circle it will be really hard to be empathetic towards distant circles.

Craig 07:11 

As long as we’re being methodical here, let’s tackle the next logical question. How can you actually build empathy? Well, that could be an entirely separate episode … or maybe a series of episodes, so I’ll keep it simple here. Building empathy requires awareness and reflection. To be empathetic, you need to be aware of those around you; you need to pay attention to their needs, their emotions, and perhaps most importantly here, how your actions affect them. Once you have awareness, you need to reflect … you need to think about them, their needs and … once again, how you affect them. Like a lot of things, empathy is built on a foundation of paying attention.

So, on your journey to excellence, apply this thinking to one circle at a time and you’ll serve your duties to others well.

Craig 08:08  

This is a bit of a tangent, but I want to dig into an interesting aspect of community in modern life. In Hierocles’ time, community was largely based on geography. Closer communities weren’t just closer in terms of the strength of your connections, they were closer physically. Communication technologies have changed that. Now you’re probably a member of many communities, some of them far afield from where you live. For example, I’m a member of geographically dispersed communities about podcasting and about teaching. You’re probably part of online communities centered around your interests. Geography isn’t what ties these communities together, it’s common interests. My point in bringing all of this up is to encourage you to cast your net widely when you think about your circles. Don’t neglect your connections to online communities, you have duties to them as well.

Craig 09:05 

Speaking of communities and online communities, I'm happy that you're part of the Live Well and Flourish community. So before moving on to three things you can do this week to start tightening your circles, I wanted to let you know that I have some exciting plans in store for Live Well and Flourish, including a digital course. So, I’ll soon send out some announcements through my newsletter. What? You’re not signed up for the Live Well and Flourish newsletter?? Fortunately it’s easy to fix that. Just go to livewellandflourish.com, fill out the little form and subscribe. OK, on to the three things.

Craig 09:44 

My first recommendation is to take a little time each day in the coming week and think about the gratitude you should feel towards others. Unless you’re very unusual, you’ve benefited from others. Take a few minutes and reflect on this. This reflection will help you feel close to those who have benefited you. But it's not enough to just think about it. Practical wisdom requires action, you have to actually express your gratitude. Even a simple email or text can brighten someone’s day and strengthen your connection to them. If you want to go old school, send a thank you card and you'll really stand out. Do this each day, focusing on whatever circle you’re working on. Your gratitude is not only an acknowledgement of their acts of kindness towards you, it may also spur you to think about how you can benefit others. All of this tightens your circles and, through the reciprocal effects mentioned earlier, pulls you closer to their center.

Craig 10:47 

I also recommend making a few lists. List the members of your extended family. Actually write them out. Again, cast a wide net. What about second cousins? Cousins of in-laws? Your extended family is probably larger than you might think. Also, list out the communities you belong to. Don’t forget to include online communities. Once you have these lists, take a few minutes and think about how you can connect better with the members of these circles. You might engage in service, you might reach out to see how they are, you might find a find way to help help somebody with some problem. Whatever. One simple act is to just send a message expressing how much you enjoy and appreciate the community, or how much you enjoy and appreciate the members of your extended family. Remember, these lists are just a first step towards action, but it’s a necessary first step.

Craig 11:46 

Your outer circles are also important, so you might want to take a little time to learn about some far-flung culture. You can do this by reading history or literature, checking out their news outlets, listening to their music, watching their movies, there are lots of ways. One great way to start to understand another culture is to eat their food. Food is an integral part of culture … and sometimes it's delicious! Remember that your goal here is to start to building understanding and empathy. Once you have that foundation, you can find ways to better serve these distant communities.

Well, we’ve covered a lot of ground here today, and I hope you’ve found it worthwhile. If you did, I’d love it if you would share this episode with someone in your circles. That might be a great way to start pulling them closer to your center. Just send them to livewellandflourish.com.

Craig 12:39 

This week I’ll close with some wise words from Marcus Aurelius. These words express well the connections that we all have to others, “What injures the hive, injures the bee.”

Until next time, be well my friends. 

I produce Live Well and Flourish because of my dedication to helping others live excellent lives. I don't accept sponsorships and I don't want your money. The only thing I want is to help you and others flourish. If you've received some value from this episode, please share it with someone that might also benefit from listening. The best way to do that is to direct them to livewellandflourish.com

Until next time.