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Diving into the turbulent waters of stress and control, Craig shares transformative insights in this episode of "Live Well and Flourish". Through personal stories, he illustrates how the daunting feeling of being out of control can amplify stress. Craig suggests a manageable solution: distinguishing what's within your control and what is not, then taking action on what IS in your control. Taking control, even over something as simple as filling a dog treat jar, can help relieve some of your stress. This approach illustrates how even seemingly insignificant actions can help to relieve stress and boost our sense of well-being. Craig cautions that it's crucial to reach out to professionals when stress becomes overwhelming, reinforcing the importance of mental health.
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Live Well and Flourish website: https://www.livewellandflourish.com/
The theme music for Live Well and Flourish was written by Hazel Crossler, hazel.crossler@gmail.com.
Production assistant - Paul Robert
Craig 00:00
Welcome to Live Well and Flourish. I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about stress and how it’s endemic in today’s society. (Maybe it’s always been that way, I don’t know.) As I’ve said over the last few episodes, stress is a major mental and physical health issue. It’s hard to flourish when you’re constantly feeling stressed. Recently, I was feeling a bit off … you probably know that feeling. You just aren't feeling quite right. We had a birthday party to go to (for our neighbor’s son), and I needed to get out of my funk. I realized that part of my mood was caused by stress. There’s a lot going on, with some important things in limbo, which is stressful.
So, I thought, “What’s something I can do to start feeling better?” Now, I realize how this may sound, but you know what I did? (No, of course you don’t, you weren't there) … I refilled our dog treat jar. We have a little jar that holds our dog biscuits. We go through a lot of treats and the jar empties pretty quickly. So, I thought, “Well, I can fill up the treat jar.” I figured that even if that’s all I accomplished, at least I accomplished something. Our Collie, Puffin, she loves treat jar refilling time, cause she gets extra treats.
Craig 01:17
When I finished, I thought, “OK, that’s one accomplishment, what can I do next? Well, I can go row”. So I went upstairs, cranked out 30 minutes on the rowing machine and got my daily exercise done. Another accomplishment. And I felt better.
I’ll stop my blow-by-blow description of my day now and get to the point. By taking control, even in small ways, I reduced my stress and felt better. It occurred to me that this is a pretty good approach to dealing with stress, at least temporarily. Find some ways you can take control. Even pretty tiny, seemingly insignificant things can help.
Craig 01:58
All this led me to think a little more deeply about stress and control. Feeling out of control can set off a mental cascade of overwhelming thoughts and uncertainties. Your brain wants to regain control, so it often engages in a relentless pursuit of predicting outcomes and developing contingency plans, which is just exhausting … and stressful. This sort of reaction is kind of hard-wired into us. Back when we lived in the wild, a situation that seemed out of control caused us to be hyper-alert, which was a pretty good for survival. Of course, today’s stressors are typically more prolonged and less acute; being overworked isn’t the same as being chased by a bear. Because of this, the stress reactions to uncertainty are often counterproductive today.
Being out of control can lead to feelings of helplessness. You kind of feel like you’re being swept along by a tide of external events. This lack of agency intensifies feelings of stress, which makes you feel even more out of control … and that's not a good thing. Sometimes, though, the link between feeling a lack of control and being stressed is more about perception than reality. The stress comes from trying to control everything, which simply isn’t possible. Believe me, I’ve tried.
Craig 03:19
So, what can you do about this? Before getting into my ideas, I want to state that my advice is effective for a lot of situations, but sometimes stress is so overwhelming that you need the help of a professional. If you’re feeling tremendous stress, do yourself a favor and reach out to a mental health professional. You and those you love will be glad you did.
Alright, so I think there are two basic approaches to reducing the negative effects of a lack of control on your stress, taking control and letting go. Yeah, I know, that sounds a bit oxymoronic. But this really is the way. In fact, this kind of dichotomy is at the core of Stoicism. Recognize that some things are in your control and others are not. Then control what you can and let the rest go. I can testify that this works. Without going into a lot of detail, when my first wife, Debbie was battling the cancer that eventually took her from me, “Control what you can and let the rest go” is what got me through the terrible experience without losing my mind.
Craig 04:26
The next time you’re feeling out of control and stressed, do two things. First, think about what is and what is not under your control. To the best of your ability, put the things not under your control out of your mind. Yeah, I know that’s really hard, but try. Then, pick something that IS under your control and take action on it. This doesn’t have to be anything big. Just take control over something. You’ll feel better. Then, take control over something else. Keep the chain going, and you’ll reduce your stress and increase your well-being.
So, the next time life feels kind of out of control, remember that most things are beyond your control so there’s little point in stressing about them. Pick something that IS under your control and take action. Taking control over a small thing, even filling up a dog treat jar, will reduce your stress and increase your flourishing.
That's it for this time. Talk to you next week. Bye.
