Are You a Good Person? 10 Questions to Consider

Craig 00:01 

Since you’re listening to a podcast called “Live Well and Flourish,” you probably want to be a good person. But, have you ever asked yourself what it means to be a good person? That’s what we’ll talk about today; what it means to be a good person and more importantly, how you can tell if you are a good person.

Welcome to Live Well and Flourish, where I help you understand what it means to live a flourishing life. I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke. If you're ready to think beyond material and external success, if you're ready to take control of who you are and the kind of life you live, if you're ready to flourish, this is the podcast for you.

Craig 00:49 

A few years ago, I was giving a talk in Sedona, Arizona (a beautiful place, by the way). The talk was about leading through trust. During the Q&A, someone brought up the state of affairs in the world and asked, “What can one person do to make the world better?” My response: “Be a better person.” The crowd roared and applauded, well at least they applauded and looked pretty happy, and that made me happy. Although I was pleased with their response to my pithy answer, what made me even happier was the possibility that I planted a few seeds that might lead some people to see the benefits of being better. 

I’ll repeat my challenge to you. If you want the world to be a better place, be a better person. What I didn’t have time to get into then, is what it means to be a good person and how to tell if you actually ARE a good person. In today’s episode, I’ll lay out why it’s important to be a good person, discuss what makes someone “good” and provide ten questions you can ask yourself to see if you meet the standard for being a good person.

Why should you care about being a good person? Well, I think making the world a better place is incentive enough, but there are a lot of other reasons to be a good person. 

Craig 02:04 

● Good people live satisfied lives: As I’ve talked about a lot, living an excellent, flourishing life means living a life of virtue and reason. These two critical aspects of flourishing are impossible to achieve without being a good person. (For more on what it means to flourish, check out episode 9, gosh that was a long time ago, at livewellandflourish.com/9.) I’ll explain more in a moment, but for now I’ll just say that if, at the end of each day, you can say that you were a good person, you’ll feel a sense of satisfaction that’s difficult to achieve any other way. You’ll know that no matter what else went on in the world that day, you did your part to make things better, even if it’s only in some small way. Remember, to be good is the HIGHEST good.

Craig 02:54  

● Being good strengthens relationships and builds social capital: When you invest in being good, you invest in relationships and social capital. Think about it for a second: Don’t you want relationships with good people? I’m willing to bet that you do. Others feel the same way, so by being good, you become a more valuable person to have a relationship with. In addition, most folks are inclined to help a good person, so being good increases your social capital. Community is critical to flourishing. By being good, you build and strengthen your personal community. 

● Good people are more resilient when life gets hard: There are at least two reasons for this. First, as I just mentioned, being good strengthens your social ties and increases your social capital. When you’re going through something tough, you’ll be surrounded by friends who are willing to help. This really hit home when my first wife, Debbie, had cancer. Debbie was absolutely a good person and the number of people who were willing to help her during her difficulties was awe inspiring. Those friends were willing to help not just because they were good people, but also because Debbie built such strong relationships through her goodness. 

Craig 04:10 

● Good people leave a lasting legacy: At Debbie’s funeral, the church was packed to the rafters. When she passed away so many people brought me food I thought I’d have to buy a bigger house. The school where she taught built the Debbie Van Slyke Memorial Reading Garden. I’m sure that there are former students who will remember Debbie when they reminisce in their old age. But even if the people whose lives she touched never think of her, their lives were all made better because Debbie was a good person. Who wouldn’t want that kind of legacy?

● Good people create a ripple effect of goodness: Being good is contagious. When you’re around good people you want to be better. The law of reciprocity leads most people to return good with good. So, when you’re good, your goodness radiates out to have tremendous effects on the world, even if you never realize it.

Craig 05:06 

I could go on, but I hope this is enough to persuade you that it’s good to be good. But, what does it mean to be good? How can you know if you’re a good person? That’s what I want to talk about next. 

Whether something is good or bad depends on the values you apply. Different religions and philosophies have varying values and therefore also have differing views on the characteristics of a good person. But there are some characteristics of a good person that cut across many religious and philosophical traditions. I’m going to break these down into internal and external characteristics. Internal characteristics are about how a good person thinks and how they view the world. External characteristics reflect how a good person acts.

Craig 05:52 

Let’s start with the internal characteristics. 

● A good person is self-reflective and mindful. Being a good person is an ongoing journey, not a static goal. So, it’s important for a good person to continually reflect on their thoughts, beliefs, and actions, examining whether they’re on the right track.

● A good person is empathetic and compassionate. Good people are attuned to the feelings and needs of others and actually care about others and their well-being.

● A good person is principled and reasoned. Good people understand what values and virtues are important to them and use their ability to think logically to live according to those values and virtues.

● A good person is open-minded and humble. Arrogance and close-mindedness are an anathema to a good person. Growth requires being willing to re-evaluate positions and being intellectually open to the possibility of being wrong.

● A good person is authentic and self-aware. Good people have a strong sense of who they are and, more importantly, act in ways that align with who they are. 

Craig 07:04 

OK, that covers the internal characteristics. Before moving on to the external characteristics, I want to point out that the internals and externals aren’t fully separate; it’s critical to understand this. A good person's internal goodness is reflected in external actions.  

So what about the externals? How does a good person act? This is an important question. Goodness means little without action.

● A good person acts according to virtue. A good person acts in ways that align with virtue and values. Every individual has to decide for themselves what their values are and what virtues they seek. Good people work hard at understanding these critical questions and they strive to act according to their virtues and values. When a good person acts contrary to their virtues and values, they feel a strong unease that directs them back to the right course. When they act poorly, it’s highly unusual, not the norm. Good people do the right thing simply because it’s right.

Craig 08:12 

● A good person is responsible and reliable. Good people uphold their duties and responsibilities towards others. You can rely on a good person to uphold their promises and commitments. 

● A good person is benevolent. A good person acts for the benefit of others, even when there’s no personal benefit, other than being a good person. Although a good person can’t always ignore their own needs, they are willing to extend kindness when there’s nothing in it for them. 

● A good person is just and fair. Good people are willing to stand up for what’s right, even when it’s unpopular, difficult, or personally risky. Good people treat others, ALL others, with respect and dignity. 

● A good person is community-oriented. Good people are tremendous assets to their communities because they act in ways that promote social harmony and collective well-being. They are unselfish and consider the larger effects of their actions. I talk more about the importance of community in Episode 84. 

Craig 09:18 

So how can you BE a good person now that you know what one is? Being a good person is an ongoing journey just like flourishing. Being good takes practice, but over time, with conscious, diligent practice, you can go beyond just acting like a good person, to making goodness part of your being. You can go from someone who practices goodness to someone who simply IS a good person. The difference is subtle, but important. Practicing goodness requires effort. Someone who IS a good person is good effortlessly, although they are diligent to not let their goodness degrade. This is a bit of a paradox. A good person doesn’t constantly think about being good, they just are. But, a good person puts considerable thought and effort into maintaining their goodness.

Craig 10:12 

Good people maintain their goodness by a combination of self-awareness and reflection. Their goodness radar is constantly scanning their thoughts and actions, gathering data for later reflection. Because reflection is so important, I want to give you ten suggestions for reflection questions to consider, one question for each characteristic I described earlier. Don’t worry about remembering all of these. They’ll be in the episode transcript, which you can find at livewellandflourish.com/99. 

Before getting to the questions, I wanna ask a little favor of you. If you know someone who might benefit from this episode or from any of the episodes, please send them to livewellandflourish.com. They can check out the entire back catalog of almost 100 episodes. I'm pretty sure they'll find something that's interesting or useful. Thank you.

Craig 11:03 

Here are the questions.

1. In what ways did I practice self-reflection and mindfulness today and how has this influenced my thoughts and actions?

2. How did I demonstrate (or fail to demonstrate) empathy and compassion in my daily interactions with others? 

3. How well did my actions and decisions today reflect my core values and the virtues I seek?

4. What new ideas and possible adjustments to my assumptions or beliefs did I consider today?

5. How well have my actions reflected my true self and my core beliefs and virtues?

6. What were the moments today when I consciously decided to act according to my virtues, and how did I navigate situations in which my virtues were challenged?

7. How well did my actions demonstrate responsibility and reliability today?

8. In what specific ways did I practice kindness or generosity today without expecting anything in return? 

9. How did I stand up for justice and fairness today? 

10. How did I contribute to the well-being and harmony of my community today and what were the effects of these actions?

Craig 12:19 

Yeah, I know. That’s a lot to think about. Being a good person requires an investment, but it’s one that pays huge dividends for you and those around you.

I want to encourage you to pick one of these questions to reflect on each day for the next ten days. Cycling through them is a great idea, one that will reinforce your goodness on a daily basis. Of course, these are just suggestions. You may want to modify them or come up with some that better fit your situation. Remember, being a good person is personal and it’s ongoing. It’s not a destination, it’s a journey. 

I’m going to close this episode with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher. The quote captures the importance of getting down to the work of being good. “Waste no time arguing about what a good person should be. Be one.”

Until next time, be good my friend.

Craig 13:19 

I produce Live Well and Flourish because of my dedication to helping others live excellent lives. I don't accept sponsorships and I don't want your money. The only thing I want is to help you and others flourish. If you've received some value from this episode, please share it with someone that might also benefit from listening. The best way to do that is to direct them to livewellandflourish.com

Until next time.